Emotional Eating

I'd like to be able to say that I only eat when I'm stressed out, or really really depressed or something. The fact of the matter is, though, that I seem to utilze any excuse to eat and basically not take care of myself.

A couple of months ago, we added a new addition to our family - a sweet little Yorkshire terrier named Harley. I already have a dog, Spencer, who is 40 pounds of bull in a china closet-thinks he's a lap dog-cuddle bunny-mutt. I've had him since he was weaned, and actually won him in a poker game. Harley was this little 13 pound fluff ball that skittered around, and yipped at people sometimes. Somehow, this odd couple of dogs became best of friends, and Harley melded our home into this complete family. I was happy, confident, balanced, and just basically kicking ass in all kinds of ways.

Last week Harley died. I'm not quite sure how it happened. He was a young dog of 3 years old, and had just been vaccinated, groomed, and had no known health problems. I let the poochies out for ten minutes, and then I let them in Harley didn't seem quite himself. He wobbled around for a minute, then fell down. I rushed him and my sleeping child (it was 2 in the morning) to the emergency hospital, and after 2 hours of trying to get him stablized, he passed away.

Confidence......gone

Balance.....gone.

Joy.....gone.

Appetite.....gone.


It was my son's weekend with his dad, which was probably a blessing in disguise. I spent the entire weekend either not sleeping, not eating, not moving. Found a nice bottle of scotch that I honestly had never planned on opening, but giving away as a gift, and ate some really disgusting junk food just to say that I ate.

So now, here I am, a few days later. I feel like crap, because I've pretty much just eaten crap for the last few meals. I need to find a new balance and get back to taking care of myself.

So my question into the void is this: Why is it that humans associate every emotion with food? Seems to me that families ought to start teaching that food is a fuel, like gasoline is to a car. If you put in inefficient gasoline into your car, your car will perform inefficiently. Likewise with the human body, the more efficient your food source, the better your body will perform. When celebrations occur, find ways to celebrate without food. When tragedy strikes, find ways to cope without being dependent on comfort food.

Of course, advice from the currently grieving over a little dog-lifelong morbidly obese-snarky comment riddled woman might not be the best plan to follow, but hey, anybody got a better idea?

Something's Familiar....

Damn it! I shouldn't have to start all the way back at the start line again! Yet here I am, flailing again, here I am, starting over.

Why?
That's a question for another post.

What?
You know this road, too. It's the road to "a healthier, fitter, thinner, better lifestyle!" AKA - The Weight Loss Highway

For as long as I can remember, I remember being a big girl. Throughout school, college, marriage, divorce, children - - - I plugged along, sometimes maintaining the pound, sometimes adding them, but never really decreasing them.

Well, there was the couple of months after my son was about a year old. I started a walking group with some ladies in the neighborhood. I dropped about 40 pounds, quickly, but since I was still closer to the 300 mark than the 200 mark, it didn't make much of a difference in my head, and pfft, gained it all back and then some.

So, why the road less traveled, again? Here's why. It wasn't until 2 years ago that I actually went down the road for the first time. Little visits, such as the walking group, were simply crossroads to the big highway, but I really did traverse the trails two summers ago.

I started out with 2 simple changes - - - no sodas, and walking. I lived next to freaking walking trails, so, I might as well use the community amenities that I pay for, right? My dog, my iPod, and I would walk faithfully 4-5 times a week, every week. I remembered that I lived water aerobics, so I started that up, too. I was going to class sometime 2 times a day. It gave my sona chance to swim and splash around, and me a chance to work out.

I added in healthier eating, more fish, veggies, and fresh fruit, less fast food and prepared meals. My lifestyle change truly was just that, a lifestyle change. I continued when school started back up in the fall (yes, you guessed it, I am a teacher). I even signed up for a walked a 10 k, and amazingly was not the last person to walk across the finish line.

Spring semester hit, and simply maintaining the current weight was a struggle. By this point, I had lost close to 100 pounds, and it was noticable. By the time summer hit, I was mentally, emotionally, and physically drained from the stresses of work and life, and I just gave up on myself. The road was abandoned.

So, here I sit, after a year's worth of reflection time. Is this somehow a "better time" to deal with the weight issue? Not really, I have more stress now than I did then. New job, new life challenges, caring for unhealthy parental units, etc...

Why start again now? For all the cliched reasons and more. I deserve better from myself than this. Fast food, sodas, little to no exercise, crap sleep schedule, body aches and pains from inactivity and added weight. Enough.

This time, I still have the information, I still have the walking trails, I still have the gym membership (need to dust off the ID badge), and now, I'm back on the road again.